Recently I’ve learned that I know nothing about the meaning of the word “respect”. I was born with a little “I can do it by myself” complex, I demanded to do things that were impossible (like driving at the age of 4) and wouldn’t let it go until I had failed to many times to count. At that point I deemed it unworthy of my time and moved on to other things. I did not grow out of this little complex and still try doing things my way for as long as my patience allows me. In shorter term I consider myself to be a very strong willed woman. This is a good thing when it comes to education and work, but when it comes to relationships it’s a flaw.
I had a conversation with one of my guy friends about it, why is it such a bad thing? The good thing about having guy friends is that they don’t sugar coat the truth like your girl friends do. The explanation he gave was simple, “You are too much like a guy”. Well that makes no sense, I look nothing like a guy and some guys, believe it or not, are attracted to me. When did being independent turn into being too much like a guy?
It’s simple, I am not supposed to act the same way around my potential mate and as my co-workers. When it comes to your career you must be opinionated, you must be heard and stand out and most of all you must make a difference. It’s true that guys are attracted to that, but that doesn’t mean that they want you to stay that way when you start dating. “You lack respect” was what he said, the example he gave was when I commented on a political topic on my “dates” Facebook page. I didn’t agree with his opinion and voiced my own. “You should have respected his opinion” but I did and I do respect his opinion but does that mean that I am not allowed to have my own opinion? Does respecting another person really mean that you either agree with them or keep quite? Sure maybe I could have not commented on his Facebook page but what if we were in public together and he was voicing his opinion, am I not allowed to comment then either?
“Disagreeing with him in public is disrespectful to him”
“Telling him he’s doing something wrong is disrespectful”
“It all depends on how you say things, you sometimes talk like you want to argue”
I don’t Want to argue, I don’t Want to be disrespectful but I do want to debate on things and voice my opinion. My “I can do it by myself” complex is not going to disappear just because you think my opinion is disrespectful to your opinion. I know that guys want to be the man of the house, the one that makes the decisions, the one that can help you see the error of your ways.
I’m sorry but two heads are better than one, why not combine our strength instead of insisting that one of us always has to give in to the other. Why does it have to be either or? Why can’t He respect my opinion enough to allow it to be heard amongst his friends even though he doesn’t agree with it?
“You’re never going to find a guy like that”
Well it’s not in my nature to give up or give in. If you can’t handle that then I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do right now. But maybe I’ll grow out of it.
No not your dreams and aspirations kind of dreams, the real kind. Now what I’ve learned through my years in biology classes so far is that dreams are supposedly a way for the brain to fix it self and let’s say “upgrade” since he uses sleep to fix damage neurons and what not. In the few psychology classes I’ve been in dreams are considered to be a way for the brain to work through memory. There was also something about your subconscious being active in dreams or what not. I truly hope that the psychologists that believe that are wrong. Because if they’re right my mind is one weird place.
For example this morning I woke up with a huge question mark on my face, not literally of course. It was a dream like no other, I was in a huge swimming pool on my pirate ship which I stole from my exs mother just minding my own business, when the old woman tried to get her ship back! (Btw I’ve never met this so called ex or his mother it was just something that I knew in my subconscious in the dream) So I got kicked off the ship and onto land but the giant squid kept trying to drag me into the sea. Then I was back on the ship because the mother wanted me to save the ex from the giant squid. Then the giant squid gave me a sword. Then I was running with the 4 little orphans who were being chased by another pirate. Then the giant squid confessed he was just lonely right before I cut off his tentacles which had a hold on my leg. Then the orphans where crying because their mother was being held captive by the squid. (How are they orphans if their mother is alive?) And then…
I just decided to wake up.
So you can see why I had a huge question mark on my face when I woke up. There was nothing about that dream that I could connect to my life. No one I knew, I had been doing nothing all day but studying so no movies that it could have been from so there was only one option left. It was all from my subconscious? OH I so hope not, because if that is what my mind is analysing right before my finals I am completely screwed.
Believe is a remarkable thing. There is not a single person in the world that lives without it. Some people believe there is a God, some believe there is no God and some believe they don’t believe at all. But the remarkable thing about believe is that sometimes people are unaware of their own believes. What would you answer if asked the question “Do you believe in elves “ ? Most likely the answer would be no. But the funny thing about believe is that you don’t have to accept the ridiculous idea that elves exist to believe that they might. Is that an absurd sentence? Possibly, but maybe an example will clear things up.
A few years ago there was a survey made in Iceland to investigate how many people in Iceland believed in elves or “huldufólk”, which roughly translated means “the hidden people”. Though most were not ready to admit that they believed in elves, there were few ready to say that they did not exist at all. The question was not did they believe in elves, the question was would they risk destroying a so called elves stone, which in Iceland is where elves live. For at least 3 times road construction has been changed so elves stones would not be destroyed in the process. The stories about a cursed place or the horrible things that would happen to a person that harmed an elves home have been passed on for generations’. The nation has learned a lot of new things since then, but are they ready to reject their ancestors’ believe? No over 50% would not move an elves stone out of their own garden to make room for something else, not even from their own garden. They did not believe but they weren’t ready to risk angering the elves.
Now what about believe in general? Is believe always passed on from person to person? Of course it is, you believe what you are told as a child and in most cases, deep down, continue to believe when you grow up. But can we truly get rid of that believe? If you attended church as a child or just went there with your family for a funeral or a wedding, would you be able to destroy that church to make room for a fast food place? If not is it because you still believe that it is the house of God or because you are attached to the memories that you have of that place?
When do you know that you believe and how do you know that you do not believe?