Recently I’ve learned that I know nothing about the meaning of the word “respect”. I was born with a little “I can do it by myself” complex, I demanded to do things that were impossible (like driving at the age of 4) and wouldn’t let it go until I had failed to many times to count. At that point I deemed it unworthy of my time and moved on to other things. I did not grow out of this little complex and still try doing things my way for as long as my patience allows me. In shorter term I consider myself to be a very strong willed woman. This is a good thing when it comes to education and work, but when it comes to relationships it’s a flaw.
I had a conversation with one of my guy friends about it, why is it such a bad thing? The good thing about having guy friends is that they don’t sugar coat the truth like your girl friends do. The explanation he gave was simple, “You are too much like a guy”. Well that makes no sense, I look nothing like a guy and some guys, believe it or not, are attracted to me. When did being independent turn into being too much like a guy?
It’s simple, I am not supposed to act the same way around my potential mate and as my co-workers. When it comes to your career you must be opinionated, you must be heard and stand out and most of all you must make a difference. It’s true that guys are attracted to that, but that doesn’t mean that they want you to stay that way when you start dating. “You lack respect” was what he said, the example he gave was when I commented on a political topic on my “dates” Facebook page. I didn’t agree with his opinion and voiced my own. “You should have respected his opinion” but I did and I do respect his opinion but does that mean that I am not allowed to have my own opinion? Does respecting another person really mean that you either agree with them or keep quite? Sure maybe I could have not commented on his Facebook page but what if we were in public together and he was voicing his opinion, am I not allowed to comment then either?
“Disagreeing with him in public is disrespectful to him”
“Telling him he’s doing something wrong is disrespectful”
“It all depends on how you say things, you sometimes talk like you want to argue”
I don’t Want to argue, I don’t Want to be disrespectful but I do want to debate on things and voice my opinion. My “I can do it by myself” complex is not going to disappear just because you think my opinion is disrespectful to your opinion. I know that guys want to be the man of the house, the one that makes the decisions, the one that can help you see the error of your ways.
I’m sorry but two heads are better than one, why not combine our strength instead of insisting that one of us always has to give in to the other. Why does it have to be either or? Why can’t He respect my opinion enough to allow it to be heard amongst his friends even though he doesn’t agree with it?
“You’re never going to find a guy like that”
Well it’s not in my nature to give up or give in. If you can’t handle that then I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do right now. But maybe I’ll grow out of it.
In this time and age women are suppose to be self confident, beautiful and strong. We do not need men in our life! As single women we gossip about how we will never do this and that when we get into the next relationship. Boost about our single life and how good it is. But lately I’ve wondered, is that what my friends really think? Are we as self confident as we want others to believe?
After an evening off good food, cocktails and a little bit of gossip me and my friends started talking about our resent love affairs. One had just gone through a bad break up so the conversation naturally went on about how her ex was horrible. Despite what you believe, as a good friend it is your duty to listen and agree that the ex is a terrible guy. Now it is my believe that you get the right to whine for some time after a break up. But then, you get over it. This was the point where she needed to get over it. For some reason the girls started talking about how she should go out party and find some hot guy to hook up with. I dislike that method very strongly.
If you are feeling bad you should not try and make yourself feel better by picking up a random guy, while drunk, and expect him to fix you. But that seems to be what most girls do. After watching all of your girlfriends get the “man of their dreams” and you seem to be the only one not getting any attention your standards seem to get lower. Then you find a guy that actually talks to you and calls you back and you’re quick to jump at the chance. Finally! You won’t be the only single women in the world.
Here is the problem with finding the man of your dreams when you’re lonely and feel like no one wants you. If the guy turns out to be an asshole you don’t have the confidence to get out of the relationship. He was after all your only choice. Now of course there might be some guys out there that will fix you up and all that, but that isn’t the point. The point is to stop being lonely and be awesome instead.
Instead of going out to find a new boyfriend or just find someone that will give you the time of day. Buy sexy lingerie, dress up nice and be beautiful for yourself. Go out with your friends not to look for a boyfriend but to have fun. So you won’t “settle” for an asshole because you’re just too damn hot to be with anything other than what you deserve.
Now lets say that you didn’t have the strength this time to be awesome. Lets say that you end up with an asshole. If you complain about your boyfriend to you girlfriends and tell them about how much of a jerk he is, that’s what they are going to think about your boyfriend. So when you feel that your girlfriends are being too harsh on the guy and come to the conclusion that they might just be jealous. You are most likely wrong. The things your girlfriends know about your relationship is what You tell them. So your either complaining about nothing to much Or your dating an asshole, it is not your girlfriends that need to get an attitude adjustment. So are you with the guy because you want to or are you afraid of being lonely again?